A letter to myself 13 years ago.

I found a few old journals yesterday and I had to laugh out loud.

I will always be a drama queen.

Not in the bad, evil way. In the overly-emotional, love too much, emo type of way.

I seriously thought everything was the end of the world. 13 years later, the world is still here.

While reading. I thought of a few things I would have loved to say to 12 year old Megan. 

Here it goes.

You will always be boy crazy. Always. At the age of 25, you're still a flirt. You will always have an aversion for artsy guys and you will always try to save someone. You will learn that some people don't want to be saved. Some people don't want you to save them.

And don't be afraid -  all that research you did paid off - you are an excellent kisser :)

When boys don't talk to you, they don't like you. Whether you try to justify it or not - they don't. Leave them alone and move on. One day your prince will come....just not today. [25 year old Megan could take a leaf out of this one too. (:  ]

Speaking of Prince Charming...you won't be married by 23. And that is okay. Some people are ready to get married by then. You are not one of them. And trust me, you're fine with it. You will kiss A LOT of frogs. (You still are) but one day, when you're older, you'll get it right. 

But for now, you have amazing friends. They aren't the same friends you had then. (You did manage to keep a few) You will go to college and struggle. You will learn that you can't be cocky and you have to study to get by. You still won't. You will meet the most amazing friends you can imagine and they will love you for every ounce of weirdness that you are. And being weird is awesome and you will love it. And your friends will love you for it. And you will love them.

Just because you graduated from college does not guarantee you your dream job and fair pay.

You have to start from the bottom. Trust me - You WILL experience this one.

You were never above crying over boys and you were never above being sad. You can't be happy all the time and you aren't better than anyone else. Being depressed isn't for the weak. You will have your heart trampled on over and over again. You will care about someone so much and they still won't want you. It's not your fault - it just wasn't meant to be.

Sometimes being "in love" won't fix your problems. Sometimes it will make you hold onto toxic individuals and broken relationships a lot longer than they should be. You will give too many chances. You have to let them go. You deserve so much more. Let yourself randomly burst into tears in your car. I promise, it's only temporary.

You will never be a stick figure - so don't worry about your love handles. By the time you hit 25, you will love your curves and you'll appreciate your shape. You rock them so well :)

You will figure out that trying to be perfect is absurd and boring. You are terribly flawed. You have the best intentions. You will continue to try to see the good in people. Sometimes, you will make their life easier instead of your own.

You will learn that beer is awesome and that some of the best memories are ones you won't remember. Alcohol isn't "bad" I know you weren't trying...but you were a little judgmental.

You will be ridiculous and awkward and passionate and emotional all the time. You will love Theatre.

Mom, Dad and Chelsea will always love you even when you are a complete jerk to them. They want what is best for you and even when you don't see it, they know what's up. Sometimes when you love someone you have to be tough on them until they love themselves again. Trust me,  they will let you know.

Lastly, you will still talk to much, speak too quickly and love Daniel Radcliffe like it was yesterday.

That's it really. I think it would be funny to tell 12 year old me this. She would flip.

Let's hope that 38 year old me has a thing or two to teach me. 

Until them, keep calm and dance on. Life is kinda beautiful.

XOXO

-M

There's something about a coffee shop

I cannot quite put my finger on it. I think it is the atmosphere. It is the artwork hanging on the wall and strange array of people about. Each and every single person is different. They are all here for a different purpose. Each person striving to figure something out. Maybe it is as simple as the latest gossip or catching up with a friend. Maybe they are trying to do math homework. In my case, I am trying to study.

Maybe it the coffee machine and the sound it makes....whirring? Is that what it is called? Maybe it is the fact that everyone around you is talking about so many different things but also respecting the fact that you cannot yell in a coffee shop. It is s an unwritten rule. OR maybe it is written. I have never seen it. You can laugh a little loudly and then simmer down. You can be shocked and jump up in excitement; you cannot scream. No yelling. You are disturbing the exchange of stories.

I think I feel smarter in a coffee shop. I am surrounded by so many eclectic people. And the age difference is outstanding.  People from all different chapters in life. Teenagers, college kids, (cough entry-level dreamers cough) and adults. Older people. Small children. Everyone is here.They are far more interesting then I can imagine myself to be. They spend all evening writing reports and reading novels...and I am sitting here blogging about sitting here. (In my defense, I am taking a study break.)

I think the music plays a part too. Coffee shop music is the best type of music. I used to do my homework to the Beatles. I always felt 10 times smarter and more motivated. If I tried to listen to lady gaga, I started dancing around my room. (Not that dancing is bad...but twerking was not going to get me any A's)

Maybe it's all these things. Maybe it's a few of them. Maybe it varies. Maybe it's the huge gulp of sugar I just took because I didn't stir my iced coffee correctly. There's that too.